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The Tragedy of Brok Porkins, Jedi Knight

For Star Wars day... May the Fourth be with You ... I thought I'd share something just a little bit different.

At the height of the Clone Wars, there was a Jedi Knight whose fame as a hero of the Republic was only overshadowed by the quantity of food he could eat. His name was Brok Porkins. The only thing he loved more than a double-cheese bantha burger combo meal was his newborn little nephew Jek.

Brok was taken from his family at a young age, like all proper Jedi. Still, his sister kept careful tabs on him as he grew by serving as staff at the Jedi library. Once Brok attained the rank of Jedi Knight, his sister revealed her true identity. She reconnected Brok to the rest of the family. Shortly after that, his sister had baby Jek. Brok took every opportunity to see the boy, he felt might make a fine Jedi someday if he proved to be force sensitive.

When the Jedi Council found out that Brok had reconnected with his family, he was demoted from his leadership position in the Army of the Republic. This put him to work dealing with petty squabbles between the Hutts. He was on Tatooine when Order 66 was initiated and was not killed in the first wave of assassinations. Due to a communication issue with his ship, Brok continued on about his regular business oblivious to the Jedi massacre elsewhere in the galaxy.

After the Emperor learned of his location, a kill squad was sent to Tatooine to dispatch the Jedi Knight. Brok proved himself to be worthy of the title of Jedi Master when confronted by the kill squad on the outskirts of Mos Eisley. Brok swiftly dispatched the squad but worked up quite a sweat on the process. In the heat of Tatooine's double suns, he thought it best if he cooled off a bit before heading to outer rim territories to hide.

So he headed to the nearest cantina, where he ordered himself a Super Size blue milkshake. Brok had just taken a big sip of the frosty drink when two off-duty Clone Troopers entered the cantina. With the kill order fresh in their mind, they pulled blasters on the big man. Unfortunately for Brok, the Blue Milk Shake gave him brain freeze so severely he couldn't concentrate and was gunned down where he stood.

The tragic tale of Brok Porkins was regularly told at family gatherings as little Jek Porkins grew up. Sworn to avenge his Uncle's death, Jek became an X-wing pilot and fought with distinction at the first battle with the Death Star.

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